How do You Talk to Yourself? Learn the Skill of Positive Self-Talk

Have you ever taken the time to really listen to how you talk to yourself? Are you kind and thoughtful, or more often do you find yourself nitpicking and pejorative?

Carissa Moore is one of the world’s most skilled surfers with five world champion titles (2011, 2013, 2015, 2019, and 2021) and the winner of the first Olympic gold medal in women's surfing. She is also someone who models how to wrestle with our internal critic and use positive self-talk in skillful ways. I read about Carissa Moore’s struggle to hold herself in positive self-regard in an interview with New York Time’s journalist John Branch. In the interview she expressed in real-time how she uses positive self-talk to disentangle and protect herself from the habit of self-disparagement. 

“It’s something I have to work at every day, looking in the mirror and being, like, ‘You’re good enough, Riss. I’m so proud of you. And you can do this. You can do the things that you dream of.’ I think it’s the beauty and the beast of me, because it guides me to keep pushing and going for more, but at the same point, I struggle with just internal peace sometimes.”

Our internal critics can be deep-rooted and pernicious!

It is a complex process to learn to disarm our Judge, and Carissa Moore shows how positive self-talk is an important antidote.

“It was really, really difficult,” Moore said. “It was really difficult to be, like, hey, you have great arms — they’re great for hugging people. And you have a smile that brightens your room. It was hard. It was hard to give myself that praise. I don’t know why I struggle with it. But I think I’m trying to find those things that are just real and truthful, the things that people can’t take away.”

I especially love the last sentence in the above quote because it names a powerful way to cultivate positive-self talk: share things with yourself that are gifts you have that no one can take away from you. And the gifts she list are so simple, yet so powerful; arms for hugging, a bright smile.

Ask yourself, “What are some simple gifts I have?”

“I’m human — I don’t have everything figured out,” she said. “I’m flowing and feeling and learning as I go. I’m following my heart. And the unknown is freaking scary. But I’m also excited…”

I hope her words can inspire all of us to think about how we talk to ourselves and find ways to cultivate an internal dialogue that is rooted in care, compassionate discernment, and love. We have to hang out with ourselves all the time! So we may as well be supportive and thoughtful -- which does not mean that we repress, bypass or indulge our hurts -- but it does mean that we work on becoming our own best friend.

If you are ready to let go of your internal negative self-talk and find more encouraging and inspiring ways to relate to yourself, I can be reached at 415.721.3355 or by email to discuss how we can work together.